I used to think I had to speak up to belong.
For the introverted stepmom who feels overlooked in loud rooms—this post is a reflection on the power of deep listening, self-worth, and quiet connection.
Read MoreStepmom - Keep On Failing
Do you ever feel like no matter what you do in your role as a stepmom, it's like navigating an unfamiliar canvas? I've been there too.
I kept wondering what it was that I was doing WRONG!!!! I've read many books on being a good stepparent, took classes, and even went to psychotherapy. Then I realized that maybe all those "failures" were my way to learning to become a better stepmom. I didn't know what I didn't know.
I also realized that what I was doing were the many ways in NOT to stepparent. HA! What a change in mindset.
Many failures are stepping stones to successful endeavors.
I recently took up watercolor painting, and let me tell you, my first attempts were far from masterpieces. I watched my grandkids create adorable finger paintings, while my own brushstrokes seemed clumsy and aimless. It reminded me of my early days as a stepmom, trying to merge into a new family, often feeling out of place.
A painting teacher once told me that I needed to go through the "ugly stage" of my painting before uncovering its beauty. At first, I thought, "What beauty in this mishmash of colors?" But as I continued to practice, the painting began to take shape, just like my role in my stepfamily.
In both art and stepparenting, we often expect instant perfection. We forget that mastery comes from patience, practice, and, yes, making a lot of messy mistakes. The journey of a stepmom or stepdad is similar – it’s about embracing each challenging stroke, each unique moment, and learning from it.
As a stepmom of 33 years, I’m still on this journey. Our kids are grown now, and life as an empty nester, and even into retirement, is constantly evolving. I've learned that the process of learning and adapting never really ends – and that's something I'm truly grateful for.
The trick to success in your relationships, and in life, is to embrace your 'failures.' See them as valuable lessons, as opportunities to gain insights and discover new paths. Many great artists, scientists, and innovators have thrived on their mistakes, using them to fuel their creativity and explore uncharted territories.
So, to my fellow stepmoms and stepdads, let's pick up our brushes and embrace this beautiful, messy, and transformative journey. Let’s paint our unique family masterpiece, stroke by stroke, day by day. How will you learn, grow, and succeed by 'failing forward'?
Remember, every mistake on our canvas brings us one step closer to the masterpiece of our blended family.
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- Expert Guidance: Access to curated resources and tools designed by a certified stepmom coach with years of experience in helping stepmothers navigate their unique challenges.
- Comprehensive Topics: Dive into a wide range of topics essential for stepmoms, including managing stress, setting boundaries, improving communication, dealing with conflict, fostering a positive relationship with stepchildren, and more.
- Practical Strategies: Gain practical tips and strategies that you can implement immediately in your stepfamily dynamics, helping you build a more cohesive and harmonious family environment.
- Supportive Community: Connect with like-minded stepmothers facing similar challenges, providing a supportive space to share experiences, seek advice, and offer encouragement.
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- Empowerment and Growth: Empower yourself with the knowledge and tools needed to thrive in your stepmom role, fostering personal growth and enhancing your overall well-being.
- Free Membership: Joining the Stepmom Resource Library is completely free, making it accessible to all stepmothers seeking support and guidance on their stepfamily journey.
By joining the Stepmom Resource Library, you're not just gaining access to a wealth of valuable resources; you're also becoming part of a supportive community dedicated to helping you navigate the complexities of stepfamily life with confidence and grace. Don't miss out on this opportunity to empower yourself and transform your stepfamily experience!
Tags
building relationships, creating strong stepfamilies, failing, relationships, stepfamily, stepmom, success
The original content you just enjoyed is copyright protected by The Stepmom Coach—aka Claudette Chenevert—who proudly offers information, tips, products and other resources for building better relationships “one STEP at a time” via 1:1 coaching, self-guided coursework and more. Suitability is to be determined by individual users based on their own concerns and circumstances, as The Stepmom Coach does not endorse and is not liable for opinions expressed by third parties (i.e., advertisers, affiliates, audience members, clients).
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Mother’s Day as a Stepmom: Honoring Yourself Authentically
Mother’s Day can be an emotional rollercoaster for stepmoms. I still remember my very first one—hoping for a simple card, a small acknowledgment that I mattered. Instead, I got nothing. No mention, no nod, no recognition. And what stung the most? Someone else was acknowledged.
I didn’t speak up. I held back my feelings. And by the end of the day, I broke down in tears. My son, only a child, felt my sadness and acted out. Looking back, I realize I had placed expectations on people who barely knew me. I hadn’t yet found my place in the family, let alone earned the space to be celebrated.
Now, years later, I understand that Mother’s Day doesn’t have to fit into one mold. In this blog, I share what I’ve learned about honoring your role, setting boundaries, and creating celebrations that reflect you—not what others expect.
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I feel these tips are great for stepmoms and all moms! It’s never going to be perfect. We are going to make mistakes. As long as we learn from them and use them to fuel us forward. Building relationships with stepkids takes time, persistence, connection and lots of patience. Depending on the ages of the kids when you come into their lives, they want to know you love them, you’ll be a consistent force in their lives and that you’ll listen to them. It takes time to develop those relationships.
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Exactly. Stepmoms are going to make mistakes. It’s nice if you’re in an environment that is accepting and understands the intent it’s a lot easier. I say jump in and make some mistakes – if you do, you’ll have more successes at the same time. Thanks.
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failures may show you what doesn’t work…so true…sometimes we need to know what is not working to discover what will work.
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So true Sharona. When everything is going well in our lives, we don’t feel there is a need to make the changes that could help us improve. Yet when we fail, only then will we seek alternative solutions.
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Yes! We high-achieving women (in particular) believe that if we are not instantly successful in doing new things that we are a failure. Which is not only ludicrous but trains us to not take risks. When we don’t take risks, we don’t put ourselves up for promotion. We don’t ask for raises. We don’t go for the big stretch — and in the end (as in “the end of our lives”) we suffer. It’s not just regret but in the the comforts of retirement at much lower levels of Social Security benefits and pensions, to name a few. So yes — please stop expecting to achieve perfections (which doesn’t exist anyway) and “practice.” And thanks for letting me vent!
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Jackie, you bring great points around risk taking, especially for women. When we don’t up ourselves out there, it costs us big time in terms of financial gains, like those you mentioned above.
I was raised with the attitude “look pretty and don’t talk.” How is this going to help me move in this world, to raise step/kids and provide for my family in case something happens to my husband? I love the feeling of security that my husband provides, and I am well capable of doing the same for him because we are willing to take risks and not be afraid of failing.
Thanks for those points you brought up.
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I feel these tips are great for stepmoms and all moms! It’s never going to be perfect. We are going to make mistakes. As long as we learn from them and use them to fuel us forward. Building relationships with stepkids takes time, persistence, connection and lots of patience. Depending on the ages of the kids when you come into their lives, they want to know you love them, you’ll be a consistent force in their lives and that you’ll listen to them. It takes time to develop those relationships.
Exactly. Stepmoms are going to make mistakes. It’s nice if you’re in an environment that is accepting and understands the intent it’s a lot easier. I say jump in and make some mistakes – if you do, you’ll have more successes at the same time. Thanks.
failures may show you what doesn’t work…so true…sometimes we need to know what is not working to discover what will work.
So true Sharona. When everything is going well in our lives, we don’t feel there is a need to make the changes that could help us improve. Yet when we fail, only then will we seek alternative solutions.
Yes! We high-achieving women (in particular) believe that if we are not instantly successful in doing new things that we are a failure. Which is not only ludicrous but trains us to not take risks. When we don’t take risks, we don’t put ourselves up for promotion. We don’t ask for raises. We don’t go for the big stretch — and in the end (as in “the end of our lives”) we suffer. It’s not just regret but in the the comforts of retirement at much lower levels of Social Security benefits and pensions, to name a few. So yes — please stop expecting to achieve perfections (which doesn’t exist anyway) and “practice.” And thanks for letting me vent!
Jackie, you bring great points around risk taking, especially for women. When we don’t up ourselves out there, it costs us big time in terms of financial gains, like those you mentioned above.
I was raised with the attitude “look pretty and don’t talk.” How is this going to help me move in this world, to raise step/kids and provide for my family in case something happens to my husband? I love the feeling of security that my husband provides, and I am well capable of doing the same for him because we are willing to take risks and not be afraid of failing.
Thanks for those points you brought up.