Stepmom - Keep On Failing
Stepmom - Do you ever feel like no matter what you do or say to your stepkids, you feel as if you're failing? That no matter how hard you try, you'll never get close to those stepkids of yours?
I can tell you that I've felt that way many times. I kept wondering what it was that I was doing WRONG!!!! I've read many books on being a good stepparent, took classes, and even went to psychotherapy. Then I realized that maybe all those "failures" were my way to learning to become a better stepmom. I didn't know what I didn't know.
I also realized that what I was doing were the many ways in NOT to stepparent. HA! What a change in mindset.
Many failures are stepping stones to successful endeavors.
I've recently started watercolor painting.
The first time I picked up my brush and put the watery paint on my paper, it didn't look good. My three and four-year grandkids did a better job finger-painting than my attempt at doing something recognizable. What I remembered from previous painting classes was the teacher telling me that I needed to go through the ugly stage (of my painting) before I could see the beauty of the work. I'm thinking to myself, WHAT? There is no beauty in the mishmash of colors.
And yet, the more I "practiced," the better the piece looked. I use the word "practice" here because that took away a lot of pressure to succeed at something I had no idea how to do.
So often, we expect to become instant experts or successes on things we have very little knowledge of, and I see this a lot with stepmoms and stepdads. Oh! And even when you become more knowledgeable, the Universe has its way of showing you there could be a better way still.
As a stepmom of 27 years, I'm still learning. Our kids are grown. They now have kids of their own. Life as an empty nester is different. And once we retire, there will still be more learning to come. (Update: We've retired and we're still learning. The learning piece? It never really ends and I'm grateful for that.)
The trick to success in your relationships is to embrace your failures, no matter how catastrophic, as learnings and insights on your path to discoveries. The failures may show you what doesn't work, or they could give you an entirely new purpose and direction. In fact, many artists, scientists, and innovators will make intentional mistakes to push the limits of their creativity and learn from the realm of the unknown.
If you want to find success in your life, start failing, dare to make mistakes, take the hit, and see what you can learn from it. Whether you realize it or not, your life, relationships, and endeavors are moving you forward, even when you fail.