Are you a stepmom who holds on to all the negative things the ex or stepkids say and think about you? Even when you know that holding on to negativity makes you miserable? It’s time you learn to let go of the negative people in your life.
Here’s how.
One of the reasons stepmoms hold on to negative emotions and thoughts, making them feel resentful, is the feeling they have no control over their lives.
Let me repeat this and make it sharable....
One of the reasons stepmoms hold on to negative emotions and thoughts, making them feel resentful, is the feeling they have no control over their lives.
You don’t have control over certain things like death, illness, or maybe divorce. That’s when you feel like life is happening TO you. Perceived loss of control can lead you to feel and see negativity everywhere, especially from the ex and your stepkids.
As a stepmom, maybe you’re not sure of how to let go of negative people in your life. Your well-meaning family and friends may offer you trivial advice such as “suck it up” or “just deal with it.” Although well-intentioned, these types of advice do nothing to help you learn how to let go of negative people. In fact, the opposite is more likely true. All these comments do is create more stress and anxiety for yourself and accentuate your lack of control over your life.
Here are a few techniques to help you regain a sense of control and stop negative people from crowding your life.
Meditation, yoga, and martial arts are all about letting go and helping you get back into a more balanced life, in other words, regaining a sense of control over your life. When you feel you are more in control of what’s going on, you are better equipped to handle a hostile ex or stepkids. These help you focus on yourself and what’s important to you. Martial arts is a great way to build up that confidence you might be lacking when you’re constantly faced with negative comments.
One of my favorite techniques for dealing with negativity in my life is journaling. When you write down all those negative thoughts and emotions, you can feel them leave your body and be transferred onto the paper. One of the techniques I’ve used was to write my negative thoughts on paper and then burn them. They are then gone forever. Feel it’s a bit much for you? You can tear your paper up to shreds and then toss them in the trash. This is also very effective.
Finally, there are times when the only way to deal with negative people is to confront them. Whenever you’re dealing with an overbearing ex or disrespectful stepkids, one thing you can do is create strong and healthy boundaries. Whenever you set your boundaries, do it in a firm yet calm way. This is not the time to lose your temper. Be prepared that they may respond to you by being even more negative than before. Be clear and firm about your boundaries and your expectations of how they treat you. Be consistent.
Dealing with negative people is never easy or pleasant. And in some cases, you might have to repeat the process many times. That’s OK. As long as you are consistent and clear about your goal to avoid letting negative people get to you, they will eventually move on, enabling you to let go and move on with your life as a stepmom and a wife.
Want additional ways to deal with difficult exes and stepkids? Download this free ebook that will help you go from Conflict to Harmony.Tags
dealing with conflict, ex-wife, losing control, negative people, resentful, stepkids, stepmom
The original content you just enjoyed is copyright protected by The Stepmom Coach—aka Claudette Chenevert—who proudly offers information, tips, products and other resources for building better relationships “one STEP at a time” via 1:1 coaching, self-guided coursework and more. Suitability is to be determined by individual users based on their own concerns and circumstances, as The Stepmom Coach does not endorse and is not liable for opinions expressed by third parties (i.e., advertisers, affiliates, audience members, clients).
Change is as constant as the air we breathe, yet we often resist it out of fear or uncertainty. But what if resistance wasn’t the enemy? What if it was a signal to pause, reflect, and grow? In this post, we explore how to navigate change with grace, turn fear into opportunity, and embrace the lessons that come with life’s unexpected twists.
Read MoreLearn how setting boundaries can help stepmoms navigate holiday stress. Discover practical tips for saying no, protecting your energy, and creating a balanced, joyful season for yourself and your family.
Read MoreI used to write my negative thoughts and burn them, as you mentioned, Claudette. I haven’t done it in years, but it sure worked wonders. Journalling helps so much. Equally important, when dealing with negative people, is to set your boundaries and stick to them. I totally agree with you that it’s our perceived lack of power that makes us hold onto the negative.
Glad to hear you’ve used some of the techniques I suggested here. Happy to know it’s worked wonders for you. I agree with you that setting healthy boundaries and being consistent is key to keeping negative people out of our lives. Thanks for sharing.
Oh Yes letting go of negative people. Great tips and i find ho’oponopono is a great one too xx
Thanks for sharing Suzie. My stepdaughter lived in Hawaii for several years and learned some great traditions while there.
Thanks you for sharing this! It is so valuable because there are many people that have a different relationship with children and blended families:) Such great advice and perspective!
You’re welcome Tarah. Relationship are as individual as the people within them. No two relationship can be the same – even in a nuclear family. I have three younger sisters and my relationship with each one of them is very different. We all have our own personalities and life experiences.
One of the key message here is to not be reactive to others and really look at what you have control over and what you don’t.
And like in many situations, having clear boundaries are important.
Thanks for sharing.
I used to write my negative thoughts and burn them, as you mentioned, Claudette. I haven’t done it in years, but it sure worked wonders. Journalling helps so much. Equally important, when dealing with negative people, is to set your boundaries and stick to them. I totally agree with you that it’s our perceived lack of power that makes us hold onto the negative.
Glad to hear you’ve used some of the techniques I suggested here. Happy to know it’s worked wonders for you. I agree with you that setting healthy boundaries and being consistent is key to keeping negative people out of our lives. Thanks for sharing.
Oh Yes letting go of negative people. Great tips and i find ho’oponopono is a great one too xx
Thanks for sharing Suzie. My stepdaughter lived in Hawaii for several years and learned some great traditions while there.
Thanks you for sharing this! It is so valuable because there are many people that have a different relationship with children and blended families:) Such great advice and perspective!
You’re welcome Tarah. Relationship are as individual as the people within them. No two relationship can be the same – even in a nuclear family. I have three younger sisters and my relationship with each one of them is very different. We all have our own personalities and life experiences.
One of the key message here is to not be reactive to others and really look at what you have control over and what you don’t.
And like in many situations, having clear boundaries are important.
Thanks for sharing.