I used to think I had to speak up to belong.
For the introverted stepmom who feels overlooked in loud rooms—this post is a reflection on the power of deep listening, self-worth, and quiet connection.
Read More- Stop complaining. Never complain when communicating your needs but use the little things done to you to achieve what you want in your relationship. For instance, you could say “honey, I love it when you help me do the dishes”. However, if you use a criticizing tone of voice you’ll get nowhere. Also, don’t say things like “you never help me when I need it”, “you spend more time at work (or friends) than you do with me”, or “you don’t care, all you do is sit watching television while I work hard in the kitchen”. No man will want to sit next to a woman who criticizes them over and over.
- Appreciate any small things they do for you. Appreciation is a cure all that if used correctly can heal many relationships. Even in normal circumstances if someone genuinely appreciates you, there is always a positive feeling left in your heart. As you learn to appreciate your spouse with a kiss here, a touch there, a hug or a big thank, accompanied by a smile, these gestures may crumble some of the oldest walls in your relationship.
- Be specific. When sharing your needs make sure that you are precise, friendly and loving. Don't give stories. Go straight to the point and try as much as possible to be clear on what you really want.
Tags
appreciation, building relationships, communication, emotions, marriage, resolutions
The original content you just enjoyed is copyright protected by The Stepmom Coach—aka Claudette Chenevert—who proudly offers information, tips, products and other resources for building better relationships “one STEP at a time” via 1:1 coaching, self-guided coursework and more. Suitability is to be determined by individual users based on their own concerns and circumstances, as The Stepmom Coach does not endorse and is not liable for opinions expressed by third parties (i.e., advertisers, affiliates, audience members, clients).
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Great minds think alike. The one thing I would add is that I have learned that communication styles are influenced by values and the way we are socialized far more than by biology.
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You are so right Brian. Our environment has a strong influence in what we do and say. Thanks for sharing and doing the work you do.
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Wonderful post, Claudette. It was actually quite a revelation to me that my husband could not read my mind! Why not? A lot of my girlfriends seemed to manage it! 🙂
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Hi Hi Jackie. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could all read each other’s minds? We wouldn’t have to put so much energy in building and nurturing our relationships, right? But then, I’m not sure I would want someone to know every thought that passes through my head as they may not all be nice. I’ve learned a while back that Hubby isn’t my Hairy Girlfriend. He’s my Man.
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Hi Claudette,
One of the books that was a big eye opener for me was “Love and Respect.” It goes hand in hand with “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” Also, I’m a huge fan of Mark Gungor. Have you seen his clip from his “Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage,” The Tale of Two Brains – hysterical and oh, so true!
xo
Peggy***
Peggy Nolan
http://thestepmomstoolbox.com-
Peggy, I’ve not read “Love and Respect” and as you know me, it’s on my list to get now. I love Mark Gungor and his video. He is the best at helping us visualize how different men and women are. When I feel frustrated with Hubby of not listening like I do, I remember that video and smile.
For those how have never seen this video, here is a clip
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I have always said the little things are what mean the most to me positive or negative in my relationship, Great article!
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Liz, I’m sure you’re not alone in thinking that way. Just last night, my Hubby was folding some towels for me and before I could stop myself, I refolded it so it would fit in my cupboard. He was really hurt. I held back say to him that it wasn’t a big thing because obviously it was for him. Communicating effectively is something we constantly have to work on in order to have strong relationships.
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Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge!
You pointed out very significant points in communication. thanks for sharing.-
Malika. I love communication as it’s what binds us as a family as well as a community. So many issues would vanish if only we took the time to Listen And Then Share. I look forward in sharing more on this topic and thanks for the welcome.
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Claudette, what a wonderful post. I heard somewhere and use the analogy that women’s brains are like spaghetti and men’s brains are like waffles. Keeping your tips in mind when communicating will create more harmony. Thanks for sharing. Tandy
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AHH Tandy. I love the visuals of spaghetti and waffles. I keep thinking we need to add some sauce/sirop in there some where ;). Thanks for the comment.
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Yes, proper communication! Should we use a critical tone, we would end up with more hatred than getting things done.
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Michelle, what I see sometimes (and I’ve even done this too) is that we don’t realize that we’re using a critical tone. We don’t always hear what’s coming out of our mouths. We need to become more aware of our thoughts and intentions so that out tone will follow the lead.
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Great minds think alike. The one thing I would add is that I have learned that communication styles are influenced by values and the way we are socialized far more than by biology.
You are so right Brian. Our environment has a strong influence in what we do and say. Thanks for sharing and doing the work you do.
Wonderful post, Claudette. It was actually quite a revelation to me that my husband could not read my mind! Why not? A lot of my girlfriends seemed to manage it! 🙂
Hi Hi Jackie. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could all read each other’s minds? We wouldn’t have to put so much energy in building and nurturing our relationships, right? But then, I’m not sure I would want someone to know every thought that passes through my head as they may not all be nice. I’ve learned a while back that Hubby isn’t my Hairy Girlfriend. He’s my Man.
Hi Claudette,
One of the books that was a big eye opener for me was “Love and Respect.” It goes hand in hand with “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” Also, I’m a huge fan of Mark Gungor. Have you seen his clip from his “Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage,” The Tale of Two Brains – hysterical and oh, so true!
xo
Peggy
***
Peggy Nolan
http://thestepmomstoolbox.com
Peggy, I’ve not read “Love and Respect” and as you know me, it’s on my list to get now. I love Mark Gungor and his video. He is the best at helping us visualize how different men and women are. When I feel frustrated with Hubby of not listening like I do, I remember that video and smile.
For those how have never seen this video, here is a clip
I have always said the little things are what mean the most to me positive or negative in my relationship, Great article!
Liz, I’m sure you’re not alone in thinking that way. Just last night, my Hubby was folding some towels for me and before I could stop myself, I refolded it so it would fit in my cupboard. He was really hurt. I held back say to him that it wasn’t a big thing because obviously it was for him. Communicating effectively is something we constantly have to work on in order to have strong relationships.
Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge!
You pointed out very significant points in communication. thanks for sharing.
Malika. I love communication as it’s what binds us as a family as well as a community. So many issues would vanish if only we took the time to Listen And Then Share. I look forward in sharing more on this topic and thanks for the welcome.
Claudette, what a wonderful post. I heard somewhere and use the analogy that women’s brains are like spaghetti and men’s brains are like waffles. Keeping your tips in mind when communicating will create more harmony. Thanks for sharing. Tandy
AHH Tandy. I love the visuals of spaghetti and waffles. I keep thinking we need to add some sauce/sirop in there some where ;). Thanks for the comment.
Yes, proper communication! Should we use a critical tone, we would end up with more hatred than getting things done.
Michelle, what I see sometimes (and I’ve even done this too) is that we don’t realize that we’re using a critical tone. We don’t always hear what’s coming out of our mouths. We need to become more aware of our thoughts and intentions so that out tone will follow the lead.