Effective Communication And Security Go Hand In Hand

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If there is something that makes women (yes, men too) feel secure in their relationships is the knowing that their spouses truly love them. Many women are frustrated because their partner don’t seem to care about their feelings, heartaches, anger and many other emotions. Here you are, pouring out your heart, letting your sweetheart know what makes you tic and yet, you’re left feeling like the they’re either not interested or not concerned.

Let us be clear here. Men are wired differently from women and their understanding about communication is different from that of women. John Gray said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. For women, love is affection, emotion, attention, appreciation, adoration and friendliness among others. For men, it’s all about providing for their family.

So, how can we bridge this gap? How can you as a woman make your partner show love and attention to you without having to nag them for it? The following are ideas to help you get the affection you have always craved from your spouse.

Understand that men are not mind readers. The first thing that you need to know is that your spouse is not a mind reader. They can’t guess what you want unless you tell it to them. You’ll have to open your mouth and express your wants and needs. However, there is an art in doing this. Your partner shouldn’t feel like you’re nagging them. They shouldn’t feel like you don’t appreciate what they do for you. So here is how you go about it.

  • Stop complaining. Never complain when communicating your needs but use the little things done to you to achieve what you want in your relationship. For instance, you could say “honey, I love it when you help me do the dishes”. However, if you use a criticizing tone of voice you’ll get nowhere. Also, don’t say things like “you never help me when I need it”, “you spend more time at work (or friends) than you do with me”, or “you don’t care, all you do is sit watching television while I work hard in the kitchen”. No man will want to sit next to a woman who criticizes them over and over.
  • Appreciate any small things they do for you. Appreciation is a cure all that if used correctly can heal many relationships. Even in normal circumstances if someone genuinely appreciates you, there is always a positive feeling left in your heart. As you learn to appreciate your spouse with a kiss here, a touch there, a hug or a big thank, accompanied by a smile, these gestures may crumble some of the oldest walls in your relationship.
  • Be specific. When sharing your needs make sure that you are precise, friendly and loving. Don’t give stories. Go straight to the point and try as much as possible to be clear on what you really want.

Remember that you are in this together. One thing that men will agree is that they wish to love their partners. They don’t enjoy it when they are unable to meet their spouses’ needs. Actually just as women feel frustrated because their spouses don’t seem to listen to them, it’s the same way men feel frustrated that they are unable to meet these expectations. In that case, for you as a woman to be heard, understood and satisfied in your relationship you need to appreciate the little efforts that your spouse puts into the relationship.

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to share it with others. Want to learn more about building strong relationships, going from surviving to THRIVING, one STEP at a time, go to www.stepmomcoach.com and sign up to get updates of all teleseminars and workshops Claudette offers. Plus you’ll get her free report on “8 Steps from Conflict to Harmony”

  • Great minds think alike. The one thing I would add is that I have learned that communication styles are influenced by values and the way we are socialized far more than by biology.

    • You are so right Brian. Our environment has a strong influence in what we do and say. Thanks for sharing and doing the work you do.

  • Wonderful post, Claudette. It was actually quite a revelation to me that my husband could not read my mind! Why not? A lot of my girlfriends seemed to manage it! 🙂

    • Hi Hi Jackie. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could all read each other’s minds? We wouldn’t have to put so much energy in building and nurturing our relationships, right? But then, I’m not sure I would want someone to know every thought that passes through my head as they may not all be nice. I’ve learned a while back that Hubby isn’t my Hairy Girlfriend. He’s my Man.

  • Hi Claudette,

    One of the books that was a big eye opener for me was “Love and Respect.” It goes hand in hand with “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” Also, I’m a huge fan of Mark Gungor. Have you seen his clip from his “Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage,” The Tale of Two Brains – hysterical and oh, so true!

    xo
    Peggy

    ***
    Peggy Nolan
    http://thestepmomstoolbox.com

    • Peggy, I’ve not read “Love and Respect” and as you know me, it’s on my list to get now. I love Mark Gungor and his video. He is the best at helping us visualize how different men and women are. When I feel frustrated with Hubby of not listening like I do, I remember that video and smile.

      For those how have never seen this video, here is a clip

  • I have always said the little things are what mean the most to me positive or negative in my relationship, Great article!

    • Liz, I’m sure you’re not alone in thinking that way. Just last night, my Hubby was folding some towels for me and before I could stop myself, I refolded it so it would fit in my cupboard. He was really hurt. I held back say to him that it wasn’t a big thing because obviously it was for him. Communicating effectively is something we constantly have to work on in order to have strong relationships.

  • Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge!
    You pointed out very significant points in communication. thanks for sharing.

    • Malika. I love communication as it’s what binds us as a family as well as a community. So many issues would vanish if only we took the time to Listen And Then Share. I look forward in sharing more on this topic and thanks for the welcome.

  • Claudette, what a wonderful post. I heard somewhere and use the analogy that women’s brains are like spaghetti and men’s brains are like waffles. Keeping your tips in mind when communicating will create more harmony. Thanks for sharing. Tandy

    • AHH Tandy. I love the visuals of spaghetti and waffles. I keep thinking we need to add some sauce/sirop in there some where ;). Thanks for the comment.

  • Yes, proper communication! Should we use a critical tone, we would end up with more hatred than getting things done.

    • Michelle, what I see sometimes (and I’ve even done this too) is that we don’t realize that we’re using a critical tone. We don’t always hear what’s coming out of our mouths. We need to become more aware of our thoughts and intentions so that out tone will follow the lead.

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    About the Author

    CLAUDETTE CHENEVERT, aka The Stepmom Coach, works with women as they struggle to create a cohesive family life. As a speaker, author and stepfamily professional, Claudette mentors and guides stepmothers through the process of establishing a harmonious and thriving home life for their families. Her newest title, “The Stepmom’s Book of Boundaries,” is now available on Amazon.com and elsewhere. Learn about her coaching practice and self-study program for stepmoms at StepmomCoach.com.

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    The original content you just enjoyed is copyright protected by The Stepmom Coach—aka Claudette Chenevert—who proudly offers information, tips, products and other resources for building better relationships “one STEP at a time” via 1:1 coaching, self-guided coursework and more. Suitability is to be determined by individual users based on their own concerns and circumstances, as The Stepmom Coach does not endorse and is not liable for opinions expressed by third parties (i.e., advertisers, affiliates, audience members, clients).


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  • Great minds think alike. The one thing I would add is that I have learned that communication styles are influenced by values and the way we are socialized far more than by biology.

    • You are so right Brian. Our environment has a strong influence in what we do and say. Thanks for sharing and doing the work you do.

  • Wonderful post, Claudette. It was actually quite a revelation to me that my husband could not read my mind! Why not? A lot of my girlfriends seemed to manage it! 🙂

    • Hi Hi Jackie. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could all read each other’s minds? We wouldn’t have to put so much energy in building and nurturing our relationships, right? But then, I’m not sure I would want someone to know every thought that passes through my head as they may not all be nice. I’ve learned a while back that Hubby isn’t my Hairy Girlfriend. He’s my Man.

  • Hi Claudette,

    One of the books that was a big eye opener for me was “Love and Respect.” It goes hand in hand with “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” Also, I’m a huge fan of Mark Gungor. Have you seen his clip from his “Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage,” The Tale of Two Brains – hysterical and oh, so true!

    xo
    Peggy

    ***
    Peggy Nolan
    http://thestepmomstoolbox.com

    • Peggy, I’ve not read “Love and Respect” and as you know me, it’s on my list to get now. I love Mark Gungor and his video. He is the best at helping us visualize how different men and women are. When I feel frustrated with Hubby of not listening like I do, I remember that video and smile.

      For those how have never seen this video, here is a clip

  • I have always said the little things are what mean the most to me positive or negative in my relationship, Great article!

    • Liz, I’m sure you’re not alone in thinking that way. Just last night, my Hubby was folding some towels for me and before I could stop myself, I refolded it so it would fit in my cupboard. He was really hurt. I held back say to him that it wasn’t a big thing because obviously it was for him. Communicating effectively is something we constantly have to work on in order to have strong relationships.

  • Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge!
    You pointed out very significant points in communication. thanks for sharing.

    • Malika. I love communication as it’s what binds us as a family as well as a community. So many issues would vanish if only we took the time to Listen And Then Share. I look forward in sharing more on this topic and thanks for the welcome.

  • Claudette, what a wonderful post. I heard somewhere and use the analogy that women’s brains are like spaghetti and men’s brains are like waffles. Keeping your tips in mind when communicating will create more harmony. Thanks for sharing. Tandy

    • AHH Tandy. I love the visuals of spaghetti and waffles. I keep thinking we need to add some sauce/sirop in there some where ;). Thanks for the comment.

  • Yes, proper communication! Should we use a critical tone, we would end up with more hatred than getting things done.

    • Michelle, what I see sometimes (and I’ve even done this too) is that we don’t realize that we’re using a critical tone. We don’t always hear what’s coming out of our mouths. We need to become more aware of our thoughts and intentions so that out tone will follow the lead.

  • {"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}
    • Home
    • /
    • Blog
    • /
    • Effective Communication And Security Go Hand In Hand
  • Great minds think alike. The one thing I would add is that I have learned that communication styles are influenced by values and the way we are socialized far more than by biology.

    • You are so right Brian. Our environment has a strong influence in what we do and say. Thanks for sharing and doing the work you do.

  • Wonderful post, Claudette. It was actually quite a revelation to me that my husband could not read my mind! Why not? A lot of my girlfriends seemed to manage it! 🙂

    • Hi Hi Jackie. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could all read each other’s minds? We wouldn’t have to put so much energy in building and nurturing our relationships, right? But then, I’m not sure I would want someone to know every thought that passes through my head as they may not all be nice. I’ve learned a while back that Hubby isn’t my Hairy Girlfriend. He’s my Man.

  • Hi Claudette,

    One of the books that was a big eye opener for me was “Love and Respect.” It goes hand in hand with “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” Also, I’m a huge fan of Mark Gungor. Have you seen his clip from his “Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage,” The Tale of Two Brains – hysterical and oh, so true!

    xo
    Peggy

    ***
    Peggy Nolan
    http://thestepmomstoolbox.com

    • Peggy, I’ve not read “Love and Respect” and as you know me, it’s on my list to get now. I love Mark Gungor and his video. He is the best at helping us visualize how different men and women are. When I feel frustrated with Hubby of not listening like I do, I remember that video and smile.

      For those how have never seen this video, here is a clip

  • I have always said the little things are what mean the most to me positive or negative in my relationship, Great article!

    • Liz, I’m sure you’re not alone in thinking that way. Just last night, my Hubby was folding some towels for me and before I could stop myself, I refolded it so it would fit in my cupboard. He was really hurt. I held back say to him that it wasn’t a big thing because obviously it was for him. Communicating effectively is something we constantly have to work on in order to have strong relationships.

  • Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Challenge!
    You pointed out very significant points in communication. thanks for sharing.

    • Malika. I love communication as it’s what binds us as a family as well as a community. So many issues would vanish if only we took the time to Listen And Then Share. I look forward in sharing more on this topic and thanks for the welcome.

  • Claudette, what a wonderful post. I heard somewhere and use the analogy that women’s brains are like spaghetti and men’s brains are like waffles. Keeping your tips in mind when communicating will create more harmony. Thanks for sharing. Tandy

    • AHH Tandy. I love the visuals of spaghetti and waffles. I keep thinking we need to add some sauce/sirop in there some where ;). Thanks for the comment.

  • Yes, proper communication! Should we use a critical tone, we would end up with more hatred than getting things done.

    • Michelle, what I see sometimes (and I’ve even done this too) is that we don’t realize that we’re using a critical tone. We don’t always hear what’s coming out of our mouths. We need to become more aware of our thoughts and intentions so that out tone will follow the lead.

  • {"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

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