I used to think I had to speak up to belong.
For the introverted stepmom who feels overlooked in loud rooms—this post is a reflection on the power of deep listening, self-worth, and quiet connection.
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house chores, step, stepkids, teaching life skills, your personal space
The original content you just enjoyed is copyright protected by The Stepmom Coach—aka Claudette Chenevert—who proudly offers information, tips, products and other resources for building better relationships “one STEP at a time” via 1:1 coaching, self-guided coursework and more. Suitability is to be determined by individual users based on their own concerns and circumstances, as The Stepmom Coach does not endorse and is not liable for opinions expressed by third parties (i.e., advertisers, affiliates, audience members, clients).
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Mother’s Day can be an emotional rollercoaster for stepmoms. I still remember my very first one—hoping for a simple card, a small acknowledgment that I mattered. Instead, I got nothing. No mention, no nod, no recognition. And what stung the most? Someone else was acknowledged.
I didn’t speak up. I held back my feelings. And by the end of the day, I broke down in tears. My son, only a child, felt my sadness and acted out. Looking back, I realize I had placed expectations on people who barely knew me. I hadn’t yet found my place in the family, let alone earned the space to be celebrated.
Now, years later, I understand that Mother’s Day doesn’t have to fit into one mold. In this blog, I share what I’ve learned about honoring your role, setting boundaries, and creating celebrations that reflect you—not what others expect.
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What a fabulous article, Claudette! ALL kids need to learn responsibility and prepare for adulthood through chores. I love that you and your husband took on the chores for your daughter when she wasn’t with you so your son didn’t take on more. I imagine that would have made him feel resentful if he had to do double duty. I taught my kids how to do their own laundry when they were around 11 and they’ve been doing their laundry ever since. Dishes, sweeping, helping prepare and cook food, taking out garbage, vacuuming, cleaning floors and bathrooms are all things my kids did growing up.
Thanks for this article. I hope parents of young kids take heed and take the time to teach their kids responsibility through age appropriate chores.
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This is a really helpful article, Claudette. I think there are many who don’t realise the importance of chores for helping children grow into independent adults. As you pointed out, even the littlest kids can help out with some things. The two-year-old Goddess is really good about packing up the toys she uses when visiting my place and the older ones love to help with preparing food. Your scheduling idea offers a great solution for families with stepkids who may not live in the house full time.
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Claudette this information is so helpful! Your wisdom would be great for parents in general! It is the accountability that becomes a problem – for the parents. I find that children need the structure and when parents don’t structure their own lives, they automatically teach that to their kids. I also like having the input of the kids when making the chore list or schedule. Just like adults, when they are enrolled in the process they are less resistant to comply.
Wish I had all your wisdom when I was a young mom!
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Hi Claudette,
This is a great article. I agree – chores are more than just picking up after yourself. You are teaching kids to be self-sufficient and well-equipped adults. For us, we have the kids clean their rooms, sort and put away their laundry, pick up their dishes after food and wipe down the table. They also (we have a six-year-old and a pre-teen – and a baby on the way) clean all the floors upstairs. They now do a great job and understand that when they can’t find things, it’s probably because they have a mess!
All the best,
A. S. Noraford
http://www.blendedfamilysurvivalguide.com -
Jackie, love your analogy of goalposts are always moving. What I find is that parents tend to want to delay as long as possible doing the “hard stuff’ with their kids, especially if they work full time or they only see their kids every other weekend. These parents want to be see as cool and fun parents. Unfortunately, the consequences can be high if these parents don’t start young. Having kids doing chores is an easy place to start.
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Thanks for dealing with this important issue, Claudette. Family life is a work in progress, and the trouble with kids is the goalposts are always moving. They grow up and, before you know it, they’re capable of doing much more than just the dishes but sometimes, as parents, we’re a bit slow to catch up with the changes. Thanks for the reminder to stay pro-active!
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Outta curiosity, what kind of chores did you expect from your stepkids who were only at your home a few days out of the month? My husband thinks if the kids are not there for too long that they shouldn’t have to do a weekly chore. I am not sure how to compromise with this as I agree with this article.
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Hi Janae. Great to see you here. When my stepdaugthers came over only every other weekend, we still had them take care of their room (this was a non-negotiable rule) as well as help with the dishes. Now that they are in their 30s, they thanked us for showing them how to take care of themselves. When they were at University, they say so many kids not able to even do basics like sorting for laundry, making simple meals and keeping their very tiny space tidy. These students had the most challenging times at school, not because of the subject they were enrolled to learn, but in basic life skills.
I would suggest to ask your husband what is the one thing he wants his kids to learn from him? That he will do it all for them or that he taught them everything they need to in order to be happy and successful in adulthood?
Thanks for the question Janae. Let me know if there is anything else you need.
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nice informative article. very useful article for new parents 🙂
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Thanks Amar. I believe that as parents, we have good intentions in raising great kids. Sometimes we just want to “protect” them too much. The best place for kids to learn how to become productive and happy adults is at home, when they see their parents do the same.
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I think that chores are completely important in running a household and kids should definitely be a part of it. When my daughter used to visit with her dads on weekends, he always had a chore pending for her – whether it was to walk the dogs, or do the dishes, he never acted as though she wasn’t part of the overall family and was a “guest” he got her right down and dirty..
Keep it Touched,
KG
http://www.kgstyleblogs.com-
KG – that’s exactly why chores are essential for kids that don’t live full time in one home. You don’t want them to feel like guests but a part of the family. Families contribute and support one another in creating something unique and fun. We all need to feel that we belong and yes, doing chores is part of that too.
Thanks for your thoughts. I always like to read what you have to say.
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I totally agree that children should have their chores around the house. My four year old always takes his plate and cup to the sink after eating and when I ask him to tidy his room, he does a stellar job (for his age). I try my best not to sound like a nag and tell him how helpful he is and how nice his room looks. I do lose it sometimes and go off on a rant about toys on the floor, etc., but like I said, I try my best! 🙂
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Ann-Marie, as parents, we all lose it at times. We lead hectic lives, trying to fit in so much in so little time. I also think that kids need to see us as human beings with all our greatness and flaws. If we can see ourselves as mentors and role models for our kids and leave space for them to come to us and share their thoughts and ideas, then we are doing a great job. Kids need to know that it’s OK to fall and that someone is their to pick them up. It’s all part of learning to grow.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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What a fabulous article, Claudette! ALL kids need to learn responsibility and prepare for adulthood through chores. I love that you and your husband took on the chores for your daughter when she wasn’t with you so your son didn’t take on more. I imagine that would have made him feel resentful if he had to do double duty. I taught my kids how to do their own laundry when they were around 11 and they’ve been doing their laundry ever since. Dishes, sweeping, helping prepare and cook food, taking out garbage, vacuuming, cleaning floors and bathrooms are all things my kids did growing up.
Thanks for this article. I hope parents of young kids take heed and take the time to teach their kids responsibility through age appropriate chores.
This is a really helpful article, Claudette. I think there are many who don’t realise the importance of chores for helping children grow into independent adults. As you pointed out, even the littlest kids can help out with some things. The two-year-old Goddess is really good about packing up the toys she uses when visiting my place and the older ones love to help with preparing food. Your scheduling idea offers a great solution for families with stepkids who may not live in the house full time.
Claudette this information is so helpful! Your wisdom would be great for parents in general! It is the accountability that becomes a problem – for the parents. I find that children need the structure and when parents don’t structure their own lives, they automatically teach that to their kids. I also like having the input of the kids when making the chore list or schedule. Just like adults, when they are enrolled in the process they are less resistant to comply.
Wish I had all your wisdom when I was a young mom!
Hi Claudette,
This is a great article. I agree – chores are more than just picking up after yourself. You are teaching kids to be self-sufficient and well-equipped adults. For us, we have the kids clean their rooms, sort and put away their laundry, pick up their dishes after food and wipe down the table. They also (we have a six-year-old and a pre-teen – and a baby on the way) clean all the floors upstairs. They now do a great job and understand that when they can’t find things, it’s probably because they have a mess!
All the best,
A. S. Noraford
http://www.blendedfamilysurvivalguide.com
Jackie, love your analogy of goalposts are always moving. What I find is that parents tend to want to delay as long as possible doing the “hard stuff’ with their kids, especially if they work full time or they only see their kids every other weekend. These parents want to be see as cool and fun parents. Unfortunately, the consequences can be high if these parents don’t start young. Having kids doing chores is an easy place to start.
Thanks for dealing with this important issue, Claudette. Family life is a work in progress, and the trouble with kids is the goalposts are always moving. They grow up and, before you know it, they’re capable of doing much more than just the dishes but sometimes, as parents, we’re a bit slow to catch up with the changes. Thanks for the reminder to stay pro-active!
Outta curiosity, what kind of chores did you expect from your stepkids who were only at your home a few days out of the month? My husband thinks if the kids are not there for too long that they shouldn’t have to do a weekly chore. I am not sure how to compromise with this as I agree with this article.
Hi Janae. Great to see you here. When my stepdaugthers came over only every other weekend, we still had them take care of their room (this was a non-negotiable rule) as well as help with the dishes. Now that they are in their 30s, they thanked us for showing them how to take care of themselves. When they were at University, they say so many kids not able to even do basics like sorting for laundry, making simple meals and keeping their very tiny space tidy. These students had the most challenging times at school, not because of the subject they were enrolled to learn, but in basic life skills.
I would suggest to ask your husband what is the one thing he wants his kids to learn from him? That he will do it all for them or that he taught them everything they need to in order to be happy and successful in adulthood?
Thanks for the question Janae. Let me know if there is anything else you need.
nice informative article. very useful article for new parents 🙂
Thanks Amar. I believe that as parents, we have good intentions in raising great kids. Sometimes we just want to “protect” them too much. The best place for kids to learn how to become productive and happy adults is at home, when they see their parents do the same.
I think that chores are completely important in running a household and kids should definitely be a part of it. When my daughter used to visit with her dads on weekends, he always had a chore pending for her – whether it was to walk the dogs, or do the dishes, he never acted as though she wasn’t part of the overall family and was a “guest” he got her right down and dirty..
Keep it Touched,
KG
http://www.kgstyleblogs.com
KG – that’s exactly why chores are essential for kids that don’t live full time in one home. You don’t want them to feel like guests but a part of the family. Families contribute and support one another in creating something unique and fun. We all need to feel that we belong and yes, doing chores is part of that too.
Thanks for your thoughts. I always like to read what you have to say.
I totally agree that children should have their chores around the house. My four year old always takes his plate and cup to the sink after eating and when I ask him to tidy his room, he does a stellar job (for his age). I try my best not to sound like a nag and tell him how helpful he is and how nice his room looks. I do lose it sometimes and go off on a rant about toys on the floor, etc., but like I said, I try my best! 🙂
Ann-Marie, as parents, we all lose it at times. We lead hectic lives, trying to fit in so much in so little time. I also think that kids need to see us as human beings with all our greatness and flaws. If we can see ourselves as mentors and role models for our kids and leave space for them to come to us and share their thoughts and ideas, then we are doing a great job. Kids need to know that it’s OK to fall and that someone is their to pick them up. It’s all part of learning to grow.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.