When I first became a stepmom, I felt a little weird to tell you the truth. I didn’t know why really. I loved the man I had met along with his two daughters. I had a son of my own and was doing a good job raising him, so why would being a stepmom be so different? Well there were several reasons why and not understanding those reasons when my husband and I first came together nearly cost us our marriage.

1. I needed to accept and acknowledge that I wasn’t the first “wife” in my husband’s life, that he had a past which created his two daughters.

2. His ex-wife would always be a part of “this family” whether I liked it or not. He may have divorced her but she was and will forever be the mother of his girls.

3. We all have our view of what a family should look like and how it functions. It doesn’t mean my way is better than anyone else, so I had to learn to let go of some of my expectations.

4. As a couple, we needed to work extra hard at finding time alone so that we could build a solid foundation for our marriage. Not spending time together only increased the gap between him and his girls and my son and I.

5. Focusing too much on what others (meaning his ex-wife) thought of my skills as a mother created more conflict than was necessary. There were times, I’m sure, I fabricated a few stories out of fear of not being good enough.

6. Life is full of phases and when you understand what phase you are in, it really helps to navigate and keep your head above water until the things calm down.

7. Asking for help is actually a sign of strength and not weakness. That is the one lesson that I personally had to learn and put into practice. Putting aside my ego of being able to do everything on my own was the worst strategy I could use in this relationship. Showing my vulnerable side actually made me more approachable to my family.

If you are struggling in your stepfamily relationship and are looking for help in creating more happiness and harmony, check out my new 90 Group Coaching Program that will address the issues most stepfamilies face. Click HERE to find out more.

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