I used to think I had to speak up to belong.
For the introverted stepmom who feels overlooked in loud rooms—this post is a reflection on the power of deep listening, self-worth, and quiet connection.
Read MoreTags
bad-mouthing, being a parent, biggest mistakes, discipline role as a stepparent, negative criticism, relationship with my stepchildren, stepchildren, stepmoms, stepparenting
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For the introverted stepmom who feels overlooked in loud rooms—this post is a reflection on the power of deep listening, self-worth, and quiet connection.
Read MoreMother’s Day can be an emotional rollercoaster for stepmoms. I still remember my very first one—hoping for a simple card, a small acknowledgment that I mattered. Instead, I got nothing. No mention, no nod, no recognition. And what stung the most? Someone else was acknowledged.
I didn’t speak up. I held back my feelings. And by the end of the day, I broke down in tears. My son, only a child, felt my sadness and acted out. Looking back, I realize I had placed expectations on people who barely knew me. I hadn’t yet found my place in the family, let alone earned the space to be celebrated.
Now, years later, I understand that Mother’s Day doesn’t have to fit into one mold. In this blog, I share what I’ve learned about honoring your role, setting boundaries, and creating celebrations that reflect you—not what others expect.
Read MoreI am about to become a stepmom to a 12 year old boy. I had a great role model in my own stepmom, so I hope I can be as balanced and respectful as she is. You’re right about negativity affecting children. I hope I never say something or critisize my stepson for something I wouldn’t do to my own son.
Amanda, I am confident you will do a great job. Having a good and positive role model helps so much. Know that if and when you do lose it, don’t be too hard on yourself and acknowledge this is a learning process. As long as you are willing to take responsibility for your part in what happen and apologize if appropriate, then you’ll do great.
There is plenty of free resource on my website for you to look through. I encourage you to look around and get as much knowledge and resources you can. And remember, I’d be happy to talk with you if you are looking for additional support.
Congrats on becoming a new stepmom.
Hi Claudette,
What a great message for parents and stepparents. We’re all going to make mistakes. Criticising the other parent will get you in the dog house faster than anything else. They golden key to all this is if you do make this mistake, take ownership and a heartfelt apology to the child.
With my own girls, I used to say, “I raised you better than that,” when they were being obtuse and with Junior, I used to say, “I know your mother raised you better than that so stop it.” (his mom did an awesome job raising all four of her kids).
Your a blessing to our stepmom community and I’m so glad we’re friends!!
xo
Peggy
***
Peggy Nolan
http://thestepmomstoolbox.com
Thanks Peggy for sharing. You’re an amazing mom too and I’m sure all the kids are happy to have you in their lives (if not already, soon for sure).
As cosmic twins, I love being your friend too.
OX
ps…. my stepsons mother died when they were in their late teens from cancer so I really tred lightly because of that fact. My husband divorced her before she died.
You’re so right about the mistakes we women (and I’m 53 now waiting for grandchildren!) make as stepmoms. I will have to do a blog entry about this and come back and let you know about it. My stepsons are in their late 30’s and early 40’s now and I feel so out of touch with them rather when they were younger things were really working out well. They live in Texas and we live in Calif. (where they grew up) and so I have to get my husband to call his one son on Monday nights (day off work) and the other son is clearly pushing us away right now as the cycle in that family of alcohol abuse continues. It’s hard being so far apart from them physically.
Carolyn, my heart goes out to you. It’s never easy being in a stepfamily, at any stage of the relationship. We try hard to do what is best for our kids and they sometimes don’t see it the same way we do. As much as I had issues with my stepdaughters when they were teens, we have a great relationship today. My son struggles more as a man and dad as to what family means for him but I’m confident that he will find what he’s looking for.
Relationships are never easy but I believe that by never giving up hope and being clear on what you want, you can achieve anything.
Looking forward to reading your posts.
Kim, you are right and I think that as women, we may have more of a tendency to take care of others and put ourselves last.
And you are so right that being human means making mistakes, as long as we can learn from them too.
Being a stepparent definitely has a unique set of challenges! So many people’s feelings to consider, and usually I tend to put everyone else’s feelings and needs before my own. Thanks for the reminder that we all make mistakes and that it’s part of human nature!
You’re right Janeane. No matter what kind of parenting is involved, it’s hard. Kids are so much more aware of their environment and are quick to let us know when we’re “messing” up. 😉
Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts.
I do not envy people in the role of stepparent. It is hard enough being in the role of parent. As a stepparent there are so many balls in the air to balance at once.
I am about to become a stepmom to a 12 year old boy. I had a great role model in my own stepmom, so I hope I can be as balanced and respectful as she is. You’re right about negativity affecting children. I hope I never say something or critisize my stepson for something I wouldn’t do to my own son.
Amanda, I am confident you will do a great job. Having a good and positive role model helps so much. Know that if and when you do lose it, don’t be too hard on yourself and acknowledge this is a learning process. As long as you are willing to take responsibility for your part in what happen and apologize if appropriate, then you’ll do great.
There is plenty of free resource on my website for you to look through. I encourage you to look around and get as much knowledge and resources you can. And remember, I’d be happy to talk with you if you are looking for additional support.
Congrats on becoming a new stepmom.
Hi Claudette,
What a great message for parents and stepparents. We’re all going to make mistakes. Criticising the other parent will get you in the dog house faster than anything else. They golden key to all this is if you do make this mistake, take ownership and a heartfelt apology to the child.
With my own girls, I used to say, “I raised you better than that,” when they were being obtuse and with Junior, I used to say, “I know your mother raised you better than that so stop it.” (his mom did an awesome job raising all four of her kids).
Your a blessing to our stepmom community and I’m so glad we’re friends!!
xo
Peggy
***
Peggy Nolan
http://thestepmomstoolbox.com
Thanks Peggy for sharing. You’re an amazing mom too and I’m sure all the kids are happy to have you in their lives (if not already, soon for sure).
As cosmic twins, I love being your friend too.
OX
ps…. my stepsons mother died when they were in their late teens from cancer so I really tred lightly because of that fact. My husband divorced her before she died.
You’re so right about the mistakes we women (and I’m 53 now waiting for grandchildren!) make as stepmoms. I will have to do a blog entry about this and come back and let you know about it. My stepsons are in their late 30’s and early 40’s now and I feel so out of touch with them rather when they were younger things were really working out well. They live in Texas and we live in Calif. (where they grew up) and so I have to get my husband to call his one son on Monday nights (day off work) and the other son is clearly pushing us away right now as the cycle in that family of alcohol abuse continues. It’s hard being so far apart from them physically.
Carolyn, my heart goes out to you. It’s never easy being in a stepfamily, at any stage of the relationship. We try hard to do what is best for our kids and they sometimes don’t see it the same way we do. As much as I had issues with my stepdaughters when they were teens, we have a great relationship today. My son struggles more as a man and dad as to what family means for him but I’m confident that he will find what he’s looking for.
Relationships are never easy but I believe that by never giving up hope and being clear on what you want, you can achieve anything.
Looking forward to reading your posts.
Kim, you are right and I think that as women, we may have more of a tendency to take care of others and put ourselves last.
And you are so right that being human means making mistakes, as long as we can learn from them too.
Being a stepparent definitely has a unique set of challenges! So many people’s feelings to consider, and usually I tend to put everyone else’s feelings and needs before my own. Thanks for the reminder that we all make mistakes and that it’s part of human nature!
You’re right Janeane. No matter what kind of parenting is involved, it’s hard. Kids are so much more aware of their environment and are quick to let us know when we’re “messing” up. 😉
Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts.
I do not envy people in the role of stepparent. It is hard enough being in the role of parent. As a stepparent there are so many balls in the air to balance at once.