As Mother's Day approaches, many stepmoms may wonder how to navigate the day's expectations and traditions. This post, originally published a few years back, has been refreshed with a focus on clear communication, specifically for stepmothers in blended families.
Over lunch, Bernard asked me what my expectations were for Mother's Day this year. (He's learned a thing or two after 34 years!)
While jokingly telling him to just "read this week's newsletter," it got me thinking about how essential clear communication is, especially in stepfamilies. Hinting at what you want simply doesn't work.
Setting unrealistic expectations through vague hints can lead to disappointment for everyone involved. Be clear and specific about what you want, not just for Mother's Day, but throughout the year.
I can't tell you how many times I've gotten frustrated because I expected Bernard (and the kids) to magically know what I wanted. We've had our share of arguments due to mismatched assumptions about what Mother's Day should entail.
Thankfully, through open communication and a bit of trial and error, we've gotten better at avoiding these misunderstandings.
As we discussed Mother's Day plans, Bernard mentioned spending time with the family and grandkids. While that sounds lovely, I also enjoy a quiet day at home. What mattered most to me years ago might not hold the same importance today.
I'm fortunate to have a partner who actively seeks out my input and encourages open communication. But I understand that not everyone enjoys the same level of understanding in their relationships.
Here's the thing: No one can read your mind. Don't expect them to.
Take some time to jot down your thoughts and expectations for Mother's Day. Share them with your partner over a meal and have an open conversation about what's possible.
Do you know what you want for Mother's Day?
Has your partner been made aware of your desires? Take a moment to be clear and specific. You might be surprised at how much a simple conversation can improve your experience on Mother's Day and beyond.
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Tags
advice for stepmoms, building relationships, change, communication, Mother's Day, self-care for stepmoms, stepkids, Stepmother's Day
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Read MoreAh yes…expectations. When I was young(er) and foolish, I expected my then-husband to give me flowers on Valentine’s Day. Of course, I never asked for them because…what’s the point of asking? Shouldn’t he KNOW that he should send me flowers for Valentine’s Day???? I don’t think he ever gave me flowers for Valentine’s Day and that was a valuable lesson for me: ASK for what you want. Save everyone a lot of hurt feelings. P.S. The same can be said about work expectations. If you want it (promotion, raise, etc.) ask for it. Don’t sit there and expect it to magically happen.
A beautiful story of your journey, your love and the communication that led to your current precious life. I adore the quote by Dennis Waitley
People tell me I am not easy to surprise and I was often disappointed when my ex or anyone in my family would get me something…that I didn’t really want. I always thought it took the ‘fun’ out of a gift or plans someone made on my behalf without me knowing, but I think you are on point in saying to be direct and say what you want. Sometimes people ask me, and I honestly don’t really want anything, which isn’t too helpful, is it? 🙂 I’m learning to be clear about what I do not want and when I really want something, I tell my daughter or my mother so they can give me a gift of something I will appreciate and use. Happy Mother’s Day and thanks for the reminder to be clear in our intentions and what we share.
I used to expect my family to read my mind all the time. Absolute disaster as I was always disappointed and they could never understand why. I’m not sure why I decided they had the magical ability to mind read but it was a relief for us all when I realised my mistake. Clear communication is such a vital ingredient to all relationships. We’re going out of state for Mother’s Day this year, so I won’t see the kids. However, I’m blessed to see most family members at least once a week and there are always plenty of cuddles and kisses and love.
So, so true. And there are times we may not take time to get clear on what we want so how can we expect them to know. Knowing what we want on Mother’s Day and everyday is a very rewarding life long gift we can give ourselves.
Yes, yes, yes! The time of expecting others to read your mind about what you want is gone! I love that you are communicative and clear. I texted my daughters last week a few ideas of what I would love for Mother’s Day. For the most part, I have all I need so I like to give them ideas of simple gifts that I really want like candles and bubble bath. Have a Happy Mother’s Day!
Ah yes…expectations. When I was young(er) and foolish, I expected my then-husband to give me flowers on Valentine’s Day. Of course, I never asked for them because…what’s the point of asking? Shouldn’t he KNOW that he should send me flowers for Valentine’s Day???? I don’t think he ever gave me flowers for Valentine’s Day and that was a valuable lesson for me: ASK for what you want. Save everyone a lot of hurt feelings. P.S. The same can be said about work expectations. If you want it (promotion, raise, etc.) ask for it. Don’t sit there and expect it to magically happen.
A beautiful story of your journey, your love and the communication that led to your current precious life. I adore the quote by Dennis Waitley
People tell me I am not easy to surprise and I was often disappointed when my ex or anyone in my family would get me something…that I didn’t really want. I always thought it took the ‘fun’ out of a gift or plans someone made on my behalf without me knowing, but I think you are on point in saying to be direct and say what you want. Sometimes people ask me, and I honestly don’t really want anything, which isn’t too helpful, is it? 🙂 I’m learning to be clear about what I do not want and when I really want something, I tell my daughter or my mother so they can give me a gift of something I will appreciate and use. Happy Mother’s Day and thanks for the reminder to be clear in our intentions and what we share.
I used to expect my family to read my mind all the time. Absolute disaster as I was always disappointed and they could never understand why. I’m not sure why I decided they had the magical ability to mind read but it was a relief for us all when I realised my mistake. Clear communication is such a vital ingredient to all relationships. We’re going out of state for Mother’s Day this year, so I won’t see the kids. However, I’m blessed to see most family members at least once a week and there are always plenty of cuddles and kisses and love.
So, so true. And there are times we may not take time to get clear on what we want so how can we expect them to know. Knowing what we want on Mother’s Day and everyday is a very rewarding life long gift we can give ourselves.
Yes, yes, yes! The time of expecting others to read your mind about what you want is gone! I love that you are communicative and clear. I texted my daughters last week a few ideas of what I would love for Mother’s Day. For the most part, I have all I need so I like to give them ideas of simple gifts that I really want like candles and bubble bath. Have a Happy Mother’s Day!