Not Mother's Day
It's Mother's Day and you're feeling miserable. You're not looking forward at all to this day because you're afraid of being hurt, ignored, or cast aside.
Why is it so hard for stepmoms on this day?
Well, as with many moms, we just want to be recognized for the work and effort we put into raising kids that we didn't give birth to. Let's face it. It's not easy being a mom figure to kids who may not want us to be their mom. It's definitely tough when you're fighting against a momma bear who feels the urge to keep her cubs close to her, even if there is no reason for this.
Here is a short video where I share my story about my first Mother's Day, my reaction and what we've done differently since.
I'd love to hear your thoughts and experience about your first Mother's Day. What went well? What would you have liked to see happen differently?
Share your comments below.
I think I was so busy when my step kids were little. 7 kids between us including newborn twins. I wish my husband made the effort with his kids to recognize me all those years. The positive is that they, mostly, recognize my hard work and dedication now that they are grown up. I’m pretty sure my first Mother’s Day call will be from my oldest stepson. Even before my biological kids. It is truly about doing your job without reservation and without expecting anything in return. Hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done was raising someone else’s children.
Hi Christina. First, raising 7 kids is more than a full-time job, with newborn twins on top of this. It’s exhausting. My hat off to you. I think if we had a crystal ball, to let us know that one day, things will improve, it would help us deal with the challenges we face.
I agree, it would be nice for our husbands/partners to step up and acknowledge us for what we do, especially in those early years when everything seems so hard. I believe that today’s dads are better at being more involved in the parenting role. I see my son and sons-in-law be more active parents than my father or even the men of my generation. They didn’t know how or what to do – in part because their mothers did all the work. We’re changing how parenting is done, one child, one generation at a time. This being my 39th Mother’s Day, I can say it does get better over time, in part because I’ve learned to share my thoughts and feeling with my husband and kids.
Thanks for sharing.
One of my sons went through a similar experience Claudette – with Father’s Day. He had devoted a lot of time to caring for the kids in question, more than their biological dad. When it came to Fathers Day he was totally ignored and it really hurt him. It is heartbreaking when we feel invisible.
I used the ‘nothing’s wrong’ line with Hubby for so many years. That sure is confusing. Glad we have clear communication worked out now.
What a great perspective, Claudette. I’m so glad you are raising awareness to this important topic. Stepmoms ARE Mothers and should be treated as such!
There is definitely a special place in heaven for step-moms.
My sister is a stepmom and she loves those kids — now adults — as her own flesh and blood. Her steps weren’t any more ornery than her own flesh-and-blood kids and came with their own challenges…as individual people. There is a special place in heaven for stepparents.
I’m so glad that your sister’s experience was positive. Unfortunately, so many stepmoms feel alone, frustrated, resentful, disrespect, and so on when it comes to their stepkids and other people.
I’m glad to know there is a special place in heaven for stepparents. They definitely deserve it.
Claudette, thank you for sharing your story. It brings so much awareness to a topic I have not thought of much. I can see how painful it must have been. When I think of Mothers’ Day, I think of celebrating all moms, even my own children who are moms.
It’s great to communicate your needs directly with those you will be with. I texted my daughters gift ideas for myself that are within their budget and easy to find. After all, they are busy. They are moms!
Thanks Candess. I think that if you’re the type of person who feels insecure in your role as a stepmom, then being a stepparent is more challenging. That’s where growing a thick skin, letting the negative comments roll off your back and sometimes walk away for the people who can’t appreciate who you are and what you do is the best solution.
As moms and women, we’re all busy, I agree. I also believe that when it comes to “time” we make the decision as to how busy we want to be. We have to be careful not to fall into the trap of busyness.
I also agree that if we want something, it’s best to voice our needs and wants. I sometimes fall in that trap of thinking “well, you’d think they would know it’s Mother’s Day, right?” Always learning, always evolving.