• Home
  • /
  • Blog
  • /
  • From Outsider to Insider: Changing Your Approach as a Stepmom

You've probably found yourself nodding along to sentiments like, "The stepkids just don't love me, or even like me," or, "Their mom can't stand the thought of me being a part of their lives." Trust me, you're not alone in these feelings. I hear them all too often from clients and friends alike.

The overwhelming narrative for many stepmoms is that they're not wanted in their new family. While this sentiment may hold a kernel of truth, it's not the full picture.

Good Intentions Aren't Always Enough

You walked into this blended family with an open heart and arms full of good intentions. Maybe you envisioned family dinners, laughter, and a sense of unity. You tackled laundry, chauffeured kids around, planned meals— all with the noblest intentions of creating a harmonious home. But when your efforts weren't met with the warmth you expected, you felt like an outsider.

The Vicious Cycle of Withdrawal

Feelings of rejection set in, tension fills the air, and suddenly you're walking on eggshells around the very family you're trying to bring closer. As the atmosphere thickens with unease, the kids pull further away, immersing themselves in the digital universe to escape the discomfort.

Your internal gremlins whisper, "See, they don't want you here," and you retreat further. This retreat becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, amplifying the distance and animosity between you and your stepkids.

When Pulling Away Isn't the Answer

Let's be clear: pulling away is sometimes necessary. If you're overstepping your boundaries and taking on the role of both mom and dad, then yes, take a step back. However, if you're retreating because you're afraid of emotional vulnerability, reconsider.

Rethinking Your Approach

Instead of building emotional walls, how about trying to understand your stepkids as individual beings? Take off the lens that sees them solely as extensions of their biological parents. Be curious about their lives. Ask about their interests, values, and what makes them tick.

If your stepson is engrossed in video games, dive in. Ask about his favorite characters, strategies, or how he rose through the levels. If your stepdaughter is a budding fashionista or a music enthusiast, ask her about her latest favorite styles or artists. Better yet, invite them to show you how they make their favorite dish.

When you replace apprehension with genuine curiosity, you open the door for authentic connections. You build that "know, like, trust" factor, one small STEP at a time. Yes, being open may expose you to potential hurt, but it also gives you the chance to truly belong.

Take the Leap

So, what's it going to be? Will you let fear hold you back, or will you embrace the role you've stepped into, knowing it's a complex, yet rewarding journey? If the emotional tightrope walk of stepmotherhood has you teetering, let's talk. Together, we can find your unique path to connect, belong, and love—warts and all.

Want to talk more about your fears or concerns in getting close with your stepkids? Let's get together and see what we can do to connect with them and be a part of the family. 

Check out what I do here.

Why join the Stepmom Resource Library?

  • Expert Guidance: Access to curated resources and tools designed by a certified stepmom coach with years of experience in helping stepmothers navigate their unique challenges.
  • Comprehensive Topics: Dive into a wide range of topics essential for stepmoms, including managing stress, setting boundaries, improving communication, dealing with conflict, fostering a positive relationship with stepchildren, and more.
  • Practical Strategies: Gain practical tips and strategies that you can implement immediately in your stepfamily dynamics, helping you build a more cohesive and harmonious family environment.
  • Supportive Community: Connect with like-minded stepmothers facing similar challenges, providing a supportive space to share experiences, seek advice, and offer encouragement.
  • Exclusive Content: Enjoy access to exclusive content not available elsewhere, including worksheets, checklists, templates, and insightful articles tailored specifically for stepmoms.
  • Flexible Learning: Learn at your own pace and convenience, with 24/7 access to the library from any device, allowing you to fit learning into your busy schedule.
  • Empowerment and Growth: Empower yourself with the knowledge and tools needed to thrive in your stepmom role, fostering personal growth and enhancing your overall well-being.
  • Free Membership: Joining the Stepmom Resource Library is completely free, making it accessible to all stepmothers seeking support and guidance on their stepfamily journey.

By joining the Stepmom Resource Library, you're not just gaining access to a wealth of valuable resources; you're also becoming part of a supportive community dedicated to helping you navigate the complexities of stepfamily life with confidence and grace. Don't miss out on this opportunity to empower yourself and transform your stepfamily experience!

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}


blended family, building relationships, connecting, emotions, loneliness, outsider, stepkids, stepmom advice, stepmomtips

About the Author

CLAUDETTE CHENEVERT, aka The Stepmom Coach, works with women as they struggle to create a cohesive family life. As a speaker, author and stepfamily professional, Claudette mentors and guides stepmothers through the process of establishing a harmonious and thriving home life for their families. Her newest title, “The Stepmom’s Book of Boundaries,” is now available on Amazon.com and elsewhere. Learn about her coaching practice and self-study program for stepmoms at StepmomCoach.com.

Claudette Chenevert

The original content you just enjoyed is copyright protected by The Stepmom Coach—aka Claudette Chenevert—who proudly offers information, tips, products and other resources for building better relationships “one STEP at a time” via 1:1 coaching, self-guided coursework and more. Suitability is to be determined by individual users based on their own concerns and circumstances, as The Stepmom Coach does not endorse and is not liable for opinions expressed by third parties (i.e., advertisers, affiliates, audience members, clients).

You may also like

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}
  • Home
  • /
  • Blog
  • /
  • From Outsider to Insider: Changing Your Approach as a Stepmom
{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

Looking for Hope, Inspiration and Wisdom
for your Stepfamily Journey?

Fill out your name and best email
where I'll send you weekly posts, right in your inbox.