Tags
stepchildren, stepfamilies, stepmom advice, stepmom support, stepmomtips, stepmomwisdom, The Stepmom Coach
The original content you just enjoyed is copyright protected by The Stepmom Coach—aka Claudette Chenevert—who proudly offers information, tips, products and other resources for building better relationships “one STEP at a time” via 1:1 coaching, self-guided coursework and more. Suitability is to be determined by individual users based on their own concerns and circumstances, as The Stepmom Coach does not endorse and is not liable for opinions expressed by third parties (i.e., advertisers, affiliates, audience members, clients).
Change is as constant as the air we breathe, yet we often resist it out of fear or uncertainty. But what if resistance wasn’t the enemy? What if it was a signal to pause, reflect, and grow? In this post, we explore how to navigate change with grace, turn fear into opportunity, and embrace the lessons that come with life’s unexpected twists.
Read MoreLearn how setting boundaries can help stepmoms navigate holiday stress. Discover practical tips for saying no, protecting your energy, and creating a balanced, joyful season for yourself and your family.
Read MoreStepmoms are outside of my experience, Claudette. I liken it to being the odd-man-out when it comes to a new job. Everyone else has their roles and function and here comes the new interloper. I see your tips just as applicable. Your point about having a game plan I think is critical. Most of us jump into things thinking we can handle it when coming in was a game plan can make a big difference.
This is a helpful article. I am not a stepmom (shied away from that challenge a few times) but this is common sense advice. I’ve seen too many stepmoms having a hard way to go.
Many stepmoms have shared with me that “If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have gotten involved with a man with children.” Today’s professional/career woman is more likely to meet a man who has children than before. Understanding the responsibilities and challenges BEFORE you become a stepmom can save you a lot of heartache. Having said this, there is no way of avoiding some of the challenges they face. That’s why having support makes a big difference in how you deal with stepfamily obstacles.
Good tips! I was raised by a step parents and became one at 19. It was hard for everyone until it wasn’t. Could of used these tips back then.
19??!?!?!? WOW! I’ve heard of large stepfamilies but 19? That must of been very crowded let alone little to no privacy. My mother is the youngest of 16 children (my grandmother would of had 20, maybe 22 according to an aunt, if all her babies had been term). Thanks for sharing Teresa. I’m sure you have plenty of interesting stories to share.
I really appreciate your article, Claudette, and I believe these are all habits for building solid relationships of all kinds. As a mom and someone who was married to a man with no kids, I struggled with #2. He didn’t know or appreciate his place. We would agree on how to handle situations and he would do the opposite. It was a strain on his relationships with my kids. He’s now a “wusband” and my kids are grown.
Tandy, so many struggle with #2 : Know/understand your role, whether it’s a stepmom or stepdad. Often times, a stepparent either sees their role as either to “replace a parent” or to ” sit on the sidelines.” One of the reasons relationships where kids from a previous are involved that fail is because the marriage wasn’t a priority, where the couple work as a team.
Really sad that he is now a “wusband.” Just know that even with adult children, there can still be issues when it comes to bringing a partner in your life. I’m currently working with a stepmom dealing with adult stepkids who don’t address her when they meet at family meetings. Really hard at any point if you don’t have a family vision.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Love this. I have a friend who is a stepmom. When she was still getting into the role I remember she hated the ex wife situation. I am sure she has practiced some of your secrets. I do not hear her complain anymore. She has a good relationship with her in laws, step child and significant other. I am sure it is not an easy place to be.
Lorii, being a stepmom is one of the hardest jobs in that there are very few positive role models for women to understand what’s the best way to parent a stepchild. What I’ve seen through my work and research is to give first priority to the marriage and first responsibility to the children.
I’m glad to hear your friend is doing well. Thanks for sharing.
Although I am not a mom, I think these are valuable habits for everyone to have and incorporate into their lives. #4 can be challenging at times for me, so I appreciate your analogy to the air mask. Brilliant! I’ll think of it that way moving forward, thank you!
Megan, I know you’re not alone when it comes self-care. We are all guilty of neglecting ourselves in order to help others. What is most important is to become aware that we’re neglecting ourselves and to put in place an action plan to turn this around. Awareness is the first step into changing anything in our lives.
Let me know how you’re doing with your self-care regime. Good luck.
Great list. Knowing your place doesn’t sound so great, but it’s very important for stepmoms. I think the best thing you can do as a stepmom is to set a good example. Nice post!
Thanks Cathy. There are many challenges to being a stepmom, one of them having an ex feel threatened by sharing the role of parent with another woman, or having teens not wanting “another parent figure” in their lives. When you understand what’s expected of you, know where you can be most supportive and useful, this provides guide posts for stepmoms.
Positive role models are sometimes hard to find for stepmoms. It’s a challenging position to be in. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Claudette this message is simple and so important. Women can become overwhelmed by the complexity of the blended family. Many of my clients have shared problems with being a step-mom. They seem to do better when they educate themselves about the role and spend time in self-care. Triangulation can happen and becoming clear with your spouse on how to become united in decisions is helpful! Great blog!
Thank you Candess for sharing what you see with your clients around understand roles and the importance of creating a united front with the stepchildren and other extended family members. So many stepmoms try to fit into a mold that doesn’t fit out modern day families. We need to redefine what family is and what it looks like today.
Thank you Reba. As much as we think we know what we’re getting into when we merge families together to create a new one, there are often potential emotional storms around the corner. It does get better with practice and years under our belt.
What a beautiful post. So many women find themselves in this position, most often woefully unprepared for the potential emotional storms around the corner. Your advice is spot on.
Stepmoms are outside of my experience, Claudette. I liken it to being the odd-man-out when it comes to a new job. Everyone else has their roles and function and here comes the new interloper. I see your tips just as applicable. Your point about having a game plan I think is critical. Most of us jump into things thinking we can handle it when coming in was a game plan can make a big difference.
This is a helpful article. I am not a stepmom (shied away from that challenge a few times) but this is common sense advice. I’ve seen too many stepmoms having a hard way to go.
Many stepmoms have shared with me that “If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have gotten involved with a man with children.” Today’s professional/career woman is more likely to meet a man who has children than before. Understanding the responsibilities and challenges BEFORE you become a stepmom can save you a lot of heartache. Having said this, there is no way of avoiding some of the challenges they face. That’s why having support makes a big difference in how you deal with stepfamily obstacles.
Good tips! I was raised by a step parents and became one at 19. It was hard for everyone until it wasn’t. Could of used these tips back then.
19??!?!?!? WOW! I’ve heard of large stepfamilies but 19? That must of been very crowded let alone little to no privacy. My mother is the youngest of 16 children (my grandmother would of had 20, maybe 22 according to an aunt, if all her babies had been term). Thanks for sharing Teresa. I’m sure you have plenty of interesting stories to share.
I really appreciate your article, Claudette, and I believe these are all habits for building solid relationships of all kinds. As a mom and someone who was married to a man with no kids, I struggled with #2. He didn’t know or appreciate his place. We would agree on how to handle situations and he would do the opposite. It was a strain on his relationships with my kids. He’s now a “wusband” and my kids are grown.
Tandy, so many struggle with #2 : Know/understand your role, whether it’s a stepmom or stepdad. Often times, a stepparent either sees their role as either to “replace a parent” or to ” sit on the sidelines.” One of the reasons relationships where kids from a previous are involved that fail is because the marriage wasn’t a priority, where the couple work as a team.
Really sad that he is now a “wusband.” Just know that even with adult children, there can still be issues when it comes to bringing a partner in your life. I’m currently working with a stepmom dealing with adult stepkids who don’t address her when they meet at family meetings. Really hard at any point if you don’t have a family vision.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Love this. I have a friend who is a stepmom. When she was still getting into the role I remember she hated the ex wife situation. I am sure she has practiced some of your secrets. I do not hear her complain anymore. She has a good relationship with her in laws, step child and significant other. I am sure it is not an easy place to be.
Lorii, being a stepmom is one of the hardest jobs in that there are very few positive role models for women to understand what’s the best way to parent a stepchild. What I’ve seen through my work and research is to give first priority to the marriage and first responsibility to the children.
I’m glad to hear your friend is doing well. Thanks for sharing.
Although I am not a mom, I think these are valuable habits for everyone to have and incorporate into their lives. #4 can be challenging at times for me, so I appreciate your analogy to the air mask. Brilliant! I’ll think of it that way moving forward, thank you!
Megan, I know you’re not alone when it comes self-care. We are all guilty of neglecting ourselves in order to help others. What is most important is to become aware that we’re neglecting ourselves and to put in place an action plan to turn this around. Awareness is the first step into changing anything in our lives.
Let me know how you’re doing with your self-care regime. Good luck.
Great list. Knowing your place doesn’t sound so great, but it’s very important for stepmoms. I think the best thing you can do as a stepmom is to set a good example. Nice post!
Thanks Cathy. There are many challenges to being a stepmom, one of them having an ex feel threatened by sharing the role of parent with another woman, or having teens not wanting “another parent figure” in their lives. When you understand what’s expected of you, know where you can be most supportive and useful, this provides guide posts for stepmoms.
Positive role models are sometimes hard to find for stepmoms. It’s a challenging position to be in. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Claudette this message is simple and so important. Women can become overwhelmed by the complexity of the blended family. Many of my clients have shared problems with being a step-mom. They seem to do better when they educate themselves about the role and spend time in self-care. Triangulation can happen and becoming clear with your spouse on how to become united in decisions is helpful! Great blog!
Thank you Candess for sharing what you see with your clients around understand roles and the importance of creating a united front with the stepchildren and other extended family members. So many stepmoms try to fit into a mold that doesn’t fit out modern day families. We need to redefine what family is and what it looks like today.
Thank you Reba. As much as we think we know what we’re getting into when we merge families together to create a new one, there are often potential emotional storms around the corner. It does get better with practice and years under our belt.
What a beautiful post. So many women find themselves in this position, most often woefully unprepared for the potential emotional storms around the corner. Your advice is spot on.